Vampire's Weirdo
by aznmelon
Summary: ItaxSaku Itachi is an assasinvampire sent to kill sakura. But when they meet sakura is way off from her smart, cute picture. And why does someone want sakura dead? First fanfic!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 

The moon's light seeped in through the clear windows leaving only bits of darkness in the halls. Cold crimson eyes gleaming through the shadows, he was hidden underneath a black robe but you could still clearly see his strong build. His long raven hair tied neatly in a loose ponytail swishing behind him as he strode through the hallway. "Sakura Haruno, Cherry Blossom of Spring." he whispered softly remembering what had happened.

_Flash back_

"Thank you for coming Itachi" A masculine voice said. He was hidden in the shadows of the room so you could only see the outlines of his features. Itachi stood under the hanging lamp from the ceiling. The office was dark and had no windows, only a door, a desk, a cabinet and empty coffee mug.

"Hn. So what did u need to get 'disposed' of?" He asked in his monotone voice. His fangs shown as he talked. Glinting in the light.

A minute later a picture was flung directly in front of Itachi embedding itself in the wooden floor. Itachi reached down and picked it up. Raising an eyebrow, he sent the unknown figure an Are- you –serious look.

" Her name is Haruno, Sakura. I need her to be 'disposed' of. She is evil. Do not be deceived by her looks. She is about 17 years old." Itachi looked down once again to see the pink haired, emerald-eyed girl again. Her hair pulled back by a bandana pulling back her hair and a smile adorning on her porcelain coloured face.

"What do I get out of it?" He smirked as he stuffed the photo in his cloak's pocket, his right fang poking out of his mouth.

"Her blood type is AB. It is rare and sweet tasting. I think that will be enough, wouldn't you think." He replied. "Report back when you're finished the job." Softly hearing the door creak close was the end of the conversation.

End 

_Type AB. It's been awhile since I've had one of those._ He thought as he opened the door to his apartment. It was a small cubical apartment with only a small living room connected to a small kitchen. The bedroom was just to the right of the door. Walking to his bed he lay down with his hands behind his head. _This should be quick and easy,_ was the last thing he thought before drifting to a dreamless slumber.

TBC

I hope you liked it! Me and me sis made it! XD I also don't know about the blood types so I just choose any.

PLEASE REVIEW! Tell me what you think please! Next chapter he's going to meet Sakura.


	2. Chapter 2

_This should be quick and easy,_ was the last thing he thought before drifting to a dreamless slumber.

Chapter 2

The sun's light rays peaked through Itachi's window temporarily blinding him. Itachi automatically brought his arm up and drowsily covered his eyes. With a yawn he rose from his bed, gently whispering, "It's time". Smirking as he formed a plan in his mind.

After getting ready Itachi did what everyone does when they wake up. He checked his mail. Walking to the door and picking up the pile of mail from the floor he started shuffling through them. _Junk. Ramen coupons. Junk. Junk._ Scowling as he checked through the rest. A few curses slipping out of his mouth now and then.

A sharp knock on the door interrupting Itachi, he blankly looked at the door and he quickly noticed that another letter was under his door. _Must have forgotten one, better not be another junk mail._ This letter was smaller and the envelope was tanned beige. After reading the letter he left without a sound._ And so it begins._

Moments after leaving his apartment, he reached the address givin in the letter he just read. The building was 2 stories high with a plain dark brown roof with white walls. Walking up to the front door and knocking, he could hear muffles, screams and sighs. _What the hell are they doing in there?_ Finally the door opened.

Only to be greeted by the second most horrifying thing in the world that he saw! Sure Itachi has seen corpses, dead guys, spiders and even Orochimaru in a sun hat and sundress. Shuddering at the memory of how Orochimaru started flirting with him, hoping that Itachi thought he was a girl.

There stood a man with shiny ebony hair in a bowl cut, super fuzzy eyebrows and in a green jump suite. " Has the power of youthfulness brought you here for the room for rent?" He asked enthusiastically. His thumb was extended right in front of Itachi, barely touching him. A big toothy smile plastered on his face that somehow shined even though he was in the house.

"Yeah…" Itachi replied unsure if he wanted to. Looking over his shoulder there lay broken furniture on the floor and a brunette and pink haired girls wrestling. Sakura having the brunette in a head lock while laughing maniacally, a triumphant smirk with squinted eyes of concentration on her face because of the brunette's struggling.

"Just this way please. The youthful owner of this house is a little busy with…business," he said, eyeing the girls behind him. "I'm Rock Lee. May the Power of Youth be with us! "He continued while suddenly going into his nice guy pose. Itachi gave a quick nod while Lee moved out of the way inviting him in.

Walking a little from the door they leaned against the stairs railing watching them wrestle. "The brunette with her hair up in two meat balls is called TenTen, while the pink haired youthful cherry blossom is Sakura. Sakura is the owner," Lee explained.

The girls had both their hands clasped together using brutal strength to beat each other. Both had teeth clench and both were grinning like they were crazy, which Itachi assumed they were. Sakura used the wall as an advantage pushed the brunette to the ground and once again, putting her into a death headlock.

"Humph that'll teach you for eating my doughnut, TenTen!" Sakura yelled before screaming out a battle cry. Letting go of TenTen, both of them fell on their hands and knees gasping for air. "Damn straight I kicked your ass! That doughnut was jelly filled, girl! Jelly filled!" she over exaggerated on the loss of her doughnut. Sakura dramatically starting to cry still on her hands and knees.

Everyone sweat dropped at how Sakura was such a drama queen. Quickly looking up, Sakura saw Itachi standing in front of her. She got up quickly and started to walk towards Itachi. Pitifully trying to look smart and cute, she innocently smiled at him fluttering her eyelashes up and down flirtatiously. At that moment you could see a cold shiver run up his spine making Itachi twitch.

"Hi…I'm…. here… for… the room… for rent?" he barely managed to get out while making a useless attempt to back away but failed miserably due to the wall behind him. He was trapped between the wall, furry eyebrows, meatballs and a vicious, doughnut eating, wrestling champion, 'thing'.

Sakura just stared back. Itachi stared back scared and nervous. But when he looks at 'it' more he is almost about to burst with irritation because there, on freaky Saukra's smiling face, was a big doughnut powdered moustache. Itachi realizing he just can't take it anymore slaps Sakura's mouth, wiping all the powder from her mouth.

Jaws drop and eye's widened as to the sudden assault. But, Sakura quickly gets back up still, with a big smile on her face says "What was that for?" in a happy tone. Itachi panicked realizing to what has happened. He wiped his hand at the back of his pants while quickly coming up with a lame excuse.

"Uh….. There was a… bug on your face,"he stuttered. Lee quickly interrupted and said "Really? I didn't see no bug." Itachi quickly elbowed in his gut making him doubled over in pain while giving a faint smile.

Sakura going back to her normal face decides to tell him the details about the house. "Well… It cost $540 every month." She casually said, now looking at him bored. "I'll show you around the house first. The house rules are 1. Don't eat my doughnuts! ACTUALLY ! Make that the MOST important rule! you don't wanna end up like TenTen now, would you?" Looking behind them, you could see TenTen still limping on the floor, which had been the battlefield of one crazy chick. Sakura continued on. "2. No going into my room unless I tell you to. "

Itachi gave a quick nod understanding. _Okay. Time to review plan. 1.wait till night. 2. Kill her. Uh…what else is there?. _By the time the tour ended it was the evening. Going to the kitchen everyone got their own food. Sakura in one corner with the blender snickering, TenTen eating KFC, Lee eating green eggs and ham.

After watching some T.V everyone went upstairs to go to sleep. Itachi lay on his bed waiting until 3a.m. Everyone should be asleep then right?

TBC

Hope you like! Sorry that the ending stinks. But I tried. PLEASE REVIEW!

I don't really know if this is funny or not because now when I re-read it, it wasn't funny. Please tell me if it's funny so I know if I need to change the sense of humour.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 

Snapping his eyes open, Itachi stood up from his bed. Quietly opening his door and cautiously walking through the house, to get too the other end of the hall, sakura's room. Passing by Lee's room with the door slightly open, Itachi took a peak inside to make sure he was asleep.

Lee sat there cross-legged at the end of his bed right in front of the T.V. surrounded by herbs and food. " Put in grass, mud, egg, water and green food dye. Now mix till smooth. Apply to face…" The t.v show instructed. " I will become more youthful" Lee repeatedly recited, while he mixed the ingredients together.

Popping out of the room Itachi continued down the hall. TenTen's door creaked open as he passed by. Checking on what she was doing, Itachi looked into her room. Everywhere in her room were pictures of a man with long brown hair in a loose ponytail with white eyes.

In the centre of the room was TenTen bowing down to a bigger version of the man with the long brown hair with a loose ponytail with white eyes, around her was some kind of praying circle symbol. Along the edges of the circle were lit candles next to one of the candles was a bag labelled 'Neji's super sexy long hair.'

Listening carefully he could hear TenTen slowly chanting" Neji, Neji, Neji…" as she continued to bow. Itachi 'weirded' out closed the door and continued to the next room, Sakura's room.

Drawing closer to Sakura's room the atmosphere got more and more heavy. Itachi started to get a little scared what might be in Sakura's room if Tenten, the seemed to be most sane person, is actually a freaky stalker. There he had finally approached Sakura's room, sweat dropped from Itachi's face while trying to gulp in his little bit of fear.

"_Aww hell, what might she be doing in there? What am I gonna get myself into? OH MY GAWD WHAT IF SHE HAS BISHONENS IN A BIG POT AND SHE'S WATCHING THEM COOK WHILE EVILLY LAUGHING WITH A SKULL IN HER HAND. WHAT IF SHE'S ACTUALLY A MUTANT DOUGHNUT EATING BUG THAT BUZZES AROUND HER BED LAUGHING EVILY. WHAT IF SHE'S GOT MANY DEAD BODIES IN THERE AND IS ACTUALLY WAITING FOR ME INSIDE?"_

Itachi, feeling scared slowly turns the knob of the door and slowly pushes it open, they're on the bed laid …………………………… SAKURA SLEEPING! Itachi gave a sigh of relief. _So she's not so screwed up at I thought. _With his self-confidence back in tact, he slowly approached her bed slowly, being extra careful not to wake her up.

He looked at Sakura with a faint smile, _man this was too easy how pitiful. _He took out his sharp fangs and gradually started bending down towards her focusing on her soft neck. Closer and closer, he bent down and opened his mouth and was just about to bite her until …… a foot out of nowhere comes kneeing him in the stomach.

Surprised, Itachi gets up holding his stomach in pain. _So she can even sense me out in her sleep, I guess I underestimated her'_" I guess I under estimated you Sakura, heh…. you're better than I thought but don't think that'll save you now though." He said mockingly.

He looked over at Sakura to see her face but only then realized that she was still sleeping. '_What the hell? She's sleeping.'_ He decided to try again so he bent down to bite her. And a hand comes punching him in the face. He moves back but only finds that Sakura's still sleeping.

_What the hell is going on here she should be dead._ He yet again tries to bite her and an elbow comes hitting his face. Not learning from his mistakes he repeatedly tries to bite her arms, legs, heads, elbows, knees, feet, and fists go flying everywhere.

Moments Later 

Itachi emerges from the room…………………………………. _I'll be back and that's when I'll get you. _Looking at Itachi closely his face was filled with bruises, and black eyes, his body looked numb and swollen. Taking one last glance at Sleeping Sakura, he closed the door.He staggered back to the other end of the hall to his room.

When he passed by Tenten's room it was quiet. No chanting being heard and no more candles. Itachi walked on to the next room to see if he was still up. Just when he was about to step in front of the door, it flew open and out leaped Lee. Out of reflex from his little 'training' (with Sakura), Itachi quickly struck for his neck. _Oh shit…_ was all that was going in itachi's mind once he realized it was Lee.

With a loud ear splitting scream Lee fell on the floor. Everyone, Sakura and Tenten, ran out of their rooms to see what was the commotion. Crowding around him, Itachi stood in front of Lee with an emotionless face plastered on with a small dot of blood beside his mouth, as all of them just stared down at the corpse.

"I think he died of ugly, it wasn't my fault." Itachi spoke trying to speak out his innocence. The girls on both sides of him nodded sadly, throwing Lee's body into his room. They planned to bury it sometime later **if** they remembered.

"So… Are you gay Itachi?" Sakura asked staring at him with Tenten. Silence only greeted them as Itachi just stared back at her.

" No," he finally replied with a sigh after 20 minutes of staring at each other. Thinking that the end of the conversation Itachi turned around trying to walk to his room. But stopped at what Tenten said to Sakura.

"But he was kissing Lee on the neck. Maybe Itachi is just shy about it. He'll come around." Wink Wink Nudge Nudge "Lee and Itachi would have looked pretty good together though." Sakura nodded and they walked back to their room to go to sleep again. Itachi narrowed his eyes glaring at the walls as he got to his room. Remembering his beating Itachi went to sleep from his exhausting night.

TBC

Sorry about the late update everyone! Hope you enjoyed the chapter. My sis mainly made this one because I had a writer's cramp! XD I'm thinking of putting some NejixTenten but I didn't want Lee to be left, out but I couldn't really find a pair for him. Plus now you get an assassination in the story. Sorry Lee fans! I'll try my best updating soon!


	4. Chapter 4

Vampire's weirdo

**Chapter 4**

_Morning_. _Damn I'm still sore._ Itachi, still aching from a hell of a night, quickly gets up to get breakfast and a medical box. Itachi groggily walked down the stairs and into the kitchen to see Sakura and Tenten making breakfast. Staggering to a chair he stretched his arms trying to relax.

"Good Morning."Sakura sang out cheerfully in a nice normal way

"Morning," Itachi manages to reply still reviewing what happened last night.

"By the way… what happened to you last night? You're full of bruises and scratches. "Sakura questioned shyly while blushing at the idea in her head.

Remembering what had happened he hesitates and remains speechless but responds with the universal "uh…"

TenTen and Sakura start to blush shyly. "Hard..…Core…sex… with Lee." The girls started to giggle through the sentence with a light blush. When they finished they were blushing while laughing.

Itachi immediately chokes on his spit gasping for air but manages to catch his breath. "No…. that's… not… what happened." He pathetically tried to defend himself.

"It's okay Itachi you don't need to be shy… that would explain why Lee died. He…couldn't take it. I … never knew. You. Were that… experienced." Tenten said giving a slight growl.

Itachi still speechless and disturbed by tenten's comment just sits there mopping.

_I'm not gay! I really ain't. Inner Itachi cries_. Calming down a bit, Sakura placed down some sort of liquid in front of Itachi. Still moping secretly about being gay picks up the glass without paying attention and drinks it.

After a few gulps he spits it out. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? WHY IS IT GREEN? WITH ORANGE ROUND STUFF IN IT?" Itachi screamed out his complain being fully awakened by 'The Mystery Drink.'

"It's breakfast. It's good for you." Sakura responds while cleaning up the kitchen, Wiping off chemical bottles.

" WHAT'S IT GOOD FOR? HUH?" Itachi says annoyed with a scowl on his face.

" It's for the baby." Sakura answered

"Baby? What baby?" Itachi pondered.

Sakura gives off a little smile." The baby you're not going to have because of last night. I'm not going to let you have raise a baby on your own."

Itachi using his ultimate brain put all the information together and yelled, "OH…

MY…. GOD…." he started panicking. "THAT'S FOR WOMEN! I'M NO GIRL…YOU'RE… TELLING… ME… THAT… SOMEHWERE IN THIS DRINK THERE'S A BIRTH CONTROL PILL!"

"Oh…. So those are only for girls…my bad. "Sakura looking a little sorry still just continued to clean the kitchen without even glancing at itachi as she responded.

"OH MY GOD! GIVE ME THE BOX OF THE BIRTH CONTROL PILLS! AM I GOING TO GROW BOOBS NOW? OH GOD………" Itachi starts pacing around the kitchen overwhelmed, until suddenly… he fainted with a BOOM.

A few hours later

By now Itachi has already woken up and started auguring with Sakura. "You have to come! We can't just leave you here! You have to come! You're the man of the house!" Sakura tried reasoning with Itachi.

" HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO GO SHOPPING LIKE THIS! THERE IS NO WAY AM I GOING OUT WITH MORE BALLS ON MY BODY THAN I'M SURPOSE TO HAVE!" he screeched in response.

"Hmmmmmmmm I have an idea…. TenTen come and help me," Sakura said. Itachi wasn't sure what was going on but was dragged into Sakura's room with TenTen.

Few minutes later

Sakura and Tenten stood behind Itachi with a wide smile at their work. Their stood Itachi in a full-length mirror with a off shoulder blouse with a bra, a skirt and make-up. His hair was let out of his ponytail making him look more feminine.

" See I told you this colour would suit him! He looks so kawaii!" Tenten squealed.

" Fine. But still so cute! Itachi?" Sakura started waving her hand in front of the stone Itachi. "He must be speechless at his beauty! Well lets go shopping!" Sakura and Tenten latched onto his arm and started dragging him to the mall.

As they walked down the street, beading eyes of boys stared at them.

"Awwwww … Itachi…I told you you're cute," said Sakura happily.

" You have no idea how awkward it is for a guy to have guys checking you out." Itachi responds trying not to throw up. _I'll have my revenge on you … damn you Sakura, when I kill you. Then we'll see…then. We'll sss… ugh how can girls live with these panties crawling up their asses..UGH… So tight. _

"Huh? Itachi you alright you look a little troubled" asked TenTen.

" Nothing's…. um…. wrong." Itachi struggled to get out.

"Okay then…"responded TenTen

Going into a shop, all three of them tried on some clothes. (Itachi forced)

"Itachi do you need help with something?" Sakura asked while sliding open the curtain a bit too wide. A part of his skirt got stuck in his panties and that's when all the guys in a 12-metre radius stopped and looked. That is when all hell broke loose.

Itachi quickly put her blouse back on and started running. "Sakura I'm going to kill you!" He yelled as he ran down the streets. His screams barely heard from the herd of footsteps trailing behind him. Corny pick up lines, love letters, chocolate and flowers flying at him.

Later on… 

Itachi bursts through the door panting, slams the door shut and leans on it." I think I lost 'em'" Itachi says with a sigh of relief.

"Awwwwww… such a cute movie," commented Sakura

"Yeah the guy was so hot… but NEJI WAS SO MUCH HOTTER," replied Tenten. Itachi still leaning against the door, face turned red.

"HOW COULD YOU GUYS JUST LEAVE ME TO A PACK OF DOGS! THEIR SAVAGES THEY EVEN TRIED TO RIP OF MY CLOTHES." Itachi yelled.

BAM! The door seemed to be trying to be pushed open. "Damn so they found me. Shit what am I going to do?" I can't hold this door forever." Itachi said while trying to think of a plan'.

Sakura and Tenten just sit there enjoying their conversation about the hot guy of the movie.

"AREN'T YOU GOING TO HELP ME? Itachi said angrily "you got me into this."

Sakura looks up for a moment but quickly looks back at Tenten. "Okay I got a plan." Sakura said. "Itachi go upstairs and take off you panty hose and dress. TenTen you come with me."

Itachi did as he was told and came back down only to find the pack of guys were gone. "How'd you get rid of them so fast?"

Flash back 

The room was very dark when Sakura opened the door and stood in the middle of the boy's path. She took a lighter out of nowhere and stared at them. She stared at them like she stared at Itachi. (Chapter 1) After five minutes practically a third of the boys were wetting their pants and running away like wimps.

Still staring at them sakura turned around while putting the flame near her butt as she bended down slowly. She devilishly smirked at the remaining guys. Sakura farted and out shooted fire, burning a few guys. Nude men ran away as some fainted in the yard because of the stink. The boys didn't know what hit them.

Sakura just laughed maniacally as she aimed it from left and right while she kept farting. Tenten just sweat dropped _she's overdoing it. She even burnt the evil gnome she loves._

End Flashback 

Sakura turned to face Itachi still with her devilish smirk.

"Uh. Okay I don't want to know…." Itachi said making the right choice.

"LET'S GO CLUBBING!" TenTen yelled.

Itachi checked his chest to see if he was back to normal. He was.

"OKAY LET'S GO!" Sakura yelled back.

At the club

The music filled the room drowning out the shouts of the drunken people. One would have to yell in order to be heard.

"Tell me why am I here again?" Itachi asked.

"Ummmm…OMG IS THAT NEJI!" screamed out tenten pointing to the direction where he stood, Catching Neji's and the whole room's attention from the loud scream. Tenten laughed nervously as she scratched the back of her head.

Everyone still just stared at tenten like she was a vicious stalker ready to pounce on anyone. She hid behind Itachi making her look like she disappeared.

Itachi, sakura and tenten walked towards Neji to get to the bar. Ordering some drinks while sitting on the stools. "So does anyone want any of Lee's stuff?" Sakura asked. They shook their heads vigorously side to side.

Neji walked up to itachi. "Hey! Didn't I see you on the streets running like crazy just in a dress?" He asked curiously with a smirk on his face. Itachi glared at sakura while continuing the drink his sake. Sakura just shrugged in response while Tenten blushed hard.

"Who are you and what do you want?" Itachi asked, his glare demanding an answer.

"Neji Hyuuga" Neji and Sakura talked Itachi adding a few words here and there and Tenten was nowhere in sight. Neji started croaking as he spoke so he ordered a drink. Walking towards them was Tenten in a waitress outfit.  
"Here's your drink sir." Gently putting down the glass cup, Tenten waited near the table with wide smile trying to suppress her giggles.

Neji finished the drink in a gulp and right after fell over hitting his head on the table. Tenten quickly snatched up Neji, plastered on her face was a giant smile with her eyes squinted laughing maniacally. It almost made her look evil. Tenten took neji and ran Itachi and Sakura trailed behind her.

Soon Tenten stopped before a building with a big sign reading 'Holiday Inn'. You could see stars in her eyes as she held Neji over her shoulder. She dashed passed the counter leaving a few 100-dollar bills on the counter and taking the key to room 129. Tenten finally reached the room 129.

She ran through the door forgetting to compensate neji's head through the door. Neji head bashed against the door making Neji's face bruised and deformed. Tenten flinched a little but carried on with her **'obolical ' **plan.

In the room laid a bed, a desk and two chairs. Tenten laid Neji on the bed while, Sakura and Itachi placed themselves in the two chairs. As soon as Neji's body was on the bed Tenten pulled a camera out of nowhere and started taking pictures of Neji. Flashes of light, cloth tearing and Tenten's maniacal laugh could be heard behind the door.

"Shouldn't we do something? ……" Itachi asked.

"Na!" The both replied. Itachi, answering his own question.

"Let her have her fun," Sakura said.

Meanwhile Tenten was just about to violate Neji Itachi shouted, "STOP."

Tenten stopped laughing and slowly turned her head towards Itachi still with her evil smirk. Itachi twitched but still was able to continue with what he wanted to say.

"NO RAPING! You don't know what that can do to a guy. We guys are just so……… innocent and vulnerable. You'll scar him for life." Itachi said seriously.

Tenten stopped a bit to think about it.

"Then… LET'S SCAR AWAY!" Tenten shouted while continuing.

Sakura stood up and shouted "TenTen Tamura! Stop it right this instance! Or no T.V for a week!"

Itachi stared in shock at the 'motherly figure' like Sakura.

"Awwwwww… but…" Tenten whined.

"No 'buts' young lady!" Sakura said in and strict voice.

"Fine…" Tenten said finally giving up and getting off of the bed and trudging out of the door.

_Damn…. What the hell was that…?_

"Hey… you think we should do something about his face." He asked Sakura.

"Nah…. He probably won't even notice." Sakura answered, while walking out of the Hotel with Itachi.

Tenten was far off ahead so, Itachi and Sakura walked slowly.

"OMG IT'S A DOUGHNUT SHOP! AND IT'S STILL OPEN! LET'S GO!" Sakura shouted dragging Itachi in.

After a bit, they emerged from the store with a big bag of jelly filled doughnuts and continued to walk back home.

" Hey you think Tenten will be alright. You think I was too harsh on her. It's not like I like doing these things but sometimes you have to be harsh on them one day they'll grow up and they won't need you anymore right?" Sakura asked sadly.

"I think she'll be fine." Itachi said not knowing what else to say.

_Hmmmmmmmmm this is my chance to bite this freaky woman_. Itachi took out his fangs and pounce at Sakura neck but missed because Sakura suddenly started running into the park.

" Hey! Give me back my doll!" a little girl said.

" No! It's mine now. C'mon guys let's go burn it." A little boy said to his gang of friends.

The little girl started crying and Sakura just watched her as she ate her doughnuts. Itachi still in shock that he missed his chance to bite her, sat down on a bench in the park. After a few moments Sakura walked up to the little girl, gave her a doughnut, and said "Hmmmmmm. doughnut gooood Eat." At that split moment Itachi felt that he saw the 'real girl' in Sakura, but, that feeling soon faded.

Surprised that a strange girl gave her a doughnut and talked like she was a little retarded decided to take a bite of the doughnut.

"It's good!" The little girl said and smiled sweetly. "Can I have another one onee Chan?"

Sakura's eyes suddenly turned crazy and screamed "HELL NO IT'S MINE!"

Sakura started running and the little girl chased after her. Sakura ran towards Itachi shoving a doughnut in his pants and jumping over him but continued running.

_Errrrrrr what the hell…. Ew got to get this doughnut out. _Just as he was reaching down into his pants to get it out a dog started running towards him.

"OH… MY…. GOD…" Itachi said panicking. The dog came up and bit his 'you know what' **wink-wink-nudge-nudge**. Itachi's scream could be heard all over the city. Meanwhile back at the hotel Neji has finally awakened. "Ugh…. Why do I feel so wasted?" Neji murmured while slowly getting up from the bed. "How did I get in a hotel? Why are my clothes off? Using his superior mind power he came up with the conclusion that he went to the hotel because he drank too much, was tired, and took off his clothes because it was hot. He went to bathroom to wash his face and looked in the mirror. And said (…And…) "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY FACE!" 

TBC

Hey you guys! Thanks for all the good ideas I'm going to use them in my fifth chapter so read the next chapter to see your idea in action. I was going to use them in this chapter but by the time I read them I was nearly done this chapter. Sorry that the story doesn't flow smoothly together most of them are just random ideas mashed together to make a chapter and didn't have enough time to proof read it. I still need to pack for my trip, it might take a while to get the fifth chapter so that why this one is a bit longer than my other ones. **Oh and the "(…****And…)" means he is thinking that. Thanks for reading and reviewing! **

**REVIEW!**


	5. Chapter 5

" Sakura, can you go wake up Itachi?" Tenten asked

Sakura made her way up the stairs to Itachi's room gracefully. As she stopped in front of his bedroom's door, she slowly creaked open the door and then suddenly she slammed it open yelling " WAKE UP PIGGY!" her arms were in the air with her eyes squinted from her huge smile.

She heard a yelp and slowly opened her eyes to see Itachi's sad attempt to cover his naked body, he was hugging himself with one hand while the other coving _down there_, as he half turned away while staring at her. Her eyes widened.

From the doorway ran past Tenten taking a photo of Itachi without anyone noticing. Sakura slowly started to back out of the room, her surprised expression still on, closing the door slowly when she was fully out.

Finally snapping out of shock Itachi said the first thought that came to mind. "I feel so violated."

In a cramped room, lighted by a single blinking light bulb, "Just a little bit longer… ah. Yes. This will do."

The person took out the paper from the pan and hung it up on the line that hung from wall to wall. A familiar mad scientist sort of laugh erupted in the room.

Coming out of his room clothed, Itachi made his way to the stairs. As he was about to take his first step down he heard a soft laughing coming from the bottom. Walking down the stairs the laughter grew louder and louder soon the identity of the vicious laugh was found out. There sitting in front of a computer laid Tenten. Itachi finally reaching the bottom of the stairs made his way to where ten ten was.

"What you looking at?" Itachi said while slowly turning his head to glance at the computer. When his eyes reached the screen of the computer he found his face plastered all over a website that read '**XXX SEXY SEXY ITACHI PORN SITE**.' Underneath the title in brackets read 'kids under 18… brace yourself, this is going to get good.'

Scrolling down he found pictures of him in sexy positions, naked poses, sleeping naked, him with boobs, and some side pictures of him with skimpy stuff on. His jaws dropped to the floor trying to think back to when did he ever took those pictures but then suddenly realizing NEVER. Realizing the only possibility was Photoshop.

_DAMN PHOTOSHOP!_

Deciding to explore the site more he clicks on the link that says 'new releases' There he found the picture of him hopelessly trying to cover his body. On top of the picture read ' The Sexy Shy itachi pose' underneath it was over 500 comments some reading **' F he's so hot!!'**, **'If you closely enough you can see his wanger, 'Itachi shy? As if look at the other photos he's damn right horny'**, and **' Oooo he just makes me wanna eat him up!!'** beside that comment was her avatar, a picture of herself, a super super super fat chick pouting for the picture. Itachi leaned back in fright and nearly threw up.

_OH.. My.. God…. that was the scariest thing I've ever seen. She … wants to… eat me._ Deciding not to think about it anymore before he throws up, clicks on the next link that says 'The owner of the site' Tenten's picture appeared as so did flames in itachi's eyes.

Suddenly a big sign reading this site has reached over 5 million hits! Congratulations! His eyes widened in a 'what the hell!' expression. Just as Itachi was about to bite Tenten and suck her blood dry for making him a porn star, putting up a site, and still smiling and laughing at her work in pride while he was searching the site, Sakura appeared at the door finding nothing wrong with itachi leaned in on tenten's neck with fangs and started walking towards them.

Itachi quickly turned around thinking he was caught for looking at a porn site of himself. Like really who goes to a porn site to get turned on by themselves, anyways.

Sakura grabbed tenten and itachi by the arm and, dragged them outside knocking down the chair and ignoring the ringing sound coming from the computer. "Road trip!! Since we're all on break we're going to go somewhere. Also.. This is a good chance for itachi to see the town a bit" said Sakura thinking this is something that would please itachi. Itachi eyes grew angry, he walked up to sakura and tied her up.** He took out a big box of doughnuts and started eating it slowly in front of her while she watches my little pony the movie. **At least.. This is what happened in itachi's mind to forget that he was tied up and thrown in the trunk of the car to go on this road trip.

As they were walking down the streets Itachi was spotted by many girls and the girls started drooling, speaking and also screaming "OMG! Itachi is soooo much sexier in real life!".Yet Itachi didn't notice as he got more and more 'I'm going to rape you later' looks.

"WE'RE HERE! We're going to go into this spa place" Sakura chimed, pointing to a shabby old building.

As tenten and sakura was in the hot tub they kept discussing about tenten's big buck making site. "I just uploaded a picture that girls would pay 100.00 to see. I even have a copy with me right now. At the sound of this 20 girls popped up and 

started bidding on it and out of all the girls a super super fat chick placed the highest bid. "I'll give you 5000.00 for the picture and a night with Itachi."Said the fat chick. Sakura stupidly said "He's right next door there is only a thin wall blocking you from his naked body. If you listen closely you could probably hear the splashed of Itachi playing all alone in the tub" The girls waited there with silence anticipated the rhythmic sounds of splashed. A few seconds later it came... Quack Quack Splash splash! Sigh... I'm so lonely...(singing) All.. By myself... Don't wanna be.. all by myself... Just then sakura whispers the words 'okay' which unleashed the fat chick's inner desire. The fat chick burst through the wall waving her hands in the air trying to feel Itachi's loneliness and devour it while screaming "You don't have to be lonely anymore. Little angel is here to eat you up."

Itachi's eyebrows quickly shoot up and you could just see as Itachi quickly tries to get out of the hot tub. He runs out the Hot Tub room going through the spa screaming "I TAKE IT BACK I RATHER BE ALL ALONE AND ALL BY MYSELF." When suddenly BAM! Itachi is on the floor. He rubs his face trying to think what could have hit him and is still living. _Hmmmm... Nothing I can think of... except... Sakura? That B!tch she hit me when I was running_ Angrily Itachi is about to get up when the manager says "You have to pay for that," pointing at the broken door.

_Dam straight I showed that door who's boss! Nothing hits me and lives I don't care if it wasn't living in the first place. _After suddenly realizing the major issue says "But... I don't have any money on me..." The managers face quickly changed to 'that of lee's', full of Ugly. Itachi flinches and realizes his Ugly is only going to get worst and tries to think of a way to resolve the problem. Sadly, he failed to remember the fat chick still running after him.

"I'll pay for it! He's my gooey chewy love machine" the fat chick exclaimed while running towards Itachi. She hurriedly picked up Itachi and swung him over one shoulder while dropping a few hundred dollar bills on the floor. Itachi who was extremely sad could only reach out his arm towards Sakura and TenTen, who had just came out of their Hot Tub room, and mouthed the words "Why... Why... ... Why... did I have to sing."

TBC

Author's Note: HeHe. Sorry it took us so long.. Got kind of occupied and then kind of lost interest. But it's okay we're back I hope. I think.. Maybe. But... we realize it's kind of hard for us to come up with stories now because we're kind of 'normalfied' and lame. Hope you like it! Stay tuned.

P.S Sorry for the grammar and punctuation mistakes we kind of wanted to release this chapter as soon as possible because we had this lying around for a very long time.


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